When we have grown up learning God through the lens of wounded men, we have to be careful that we don’t relearn God through the lens of wounded women.
The lens of wounded women is the most attractive lens to us after we have had our spiritual awakening/faith crisis.
It’s the one most relatable.
And the one most poisonous.
Because while she sells freedom, yet she simply traps us into another paradigm – one where we block our own freedom, restoration and soul-nourishing connection to God.
Often for decades, former ‘Good Christian Girls’ have been surrounded by women absorbing the same conditioning and teachings as them:
that their needs and desire don’t matter
that their value is in constantly serving others
that they need to receive the approval of the community
that they should appear to be compliant, appeasing and nice to everyone
that it’s mean/unkind to have boundaries
that it’s wrong to shine bright or draw any attention to yourself
.. and so much more.
This creates whole communities of women who believe their conditioning and misaligned behaviour is normal.
Women who –
have conditioned themselves to stuff down what they really think or feel
silently struggle with burnout and anxiety.
even normalise things like staying in the confines of a man-made idealised persona like the ‘Good Christian Girl’ – being someone you’re not just to feel belonging and acceptance.
Well, not in my world!
In my world we are honest and authentic
We use our voices
Challenge thinking without ego
We dig deeper into who we really are
We own our wants and needs
We shine bright, unapologetically!
We love on each other
We listen without judgement
We own our boundaries
We have fun!!!!
We explode our ceilings.
We cheer each other on.
And we do it together.
This can be you and me on a call, workshopping your next big aligned business move TOMORROW.
But I mean, keep dimming yourself down if you want 😉
God does not have a fragile ego. He can handle your brilliance, your magic, your SPARKLE
After all, He made you so. We must be careful not to project the insecurities of men we have experienced – fathers, partners, religious men – onto God.
It took me many internal shifts to unlearn the ego that I had projected onto God. He has none. He isn’t insecure, he isn’t offended by your brightness. He doesn’t need you to dull down your femininity so he doesn’t feel threatened.
Unlearning this means I can see him and experience him as he is, not as who I project him to be based on passed experiences.
I’ve been asked this alot in comments on my posts on social media, and I understand the mindset.
It’s coming from people who are where I used to be. I grew up in conservative “religious” Christianity, I had absorbed much of the teaching from a young age in my family and church environments, and then in subsequent church environments.
What I didn’t realise was that some of what I had absorbed was actually man-made teaching, and not from the God who sees women, loves women and values women.
I found it challenging to set boundaries, own and use my God-given voice, anchor in my worth; and was also wrestling with alot of burnout, anxiety, dimming myself down, people-pleasing, workaholism, perfectionism (I could go on..).
And when I began to dig deep into healing all of these with God, I uncovered that I had swallowed the poison of this archetype without realising it was toxic for me, and for the women around me. I discovered it was not only anti-biblical, it was actually anti-God.
With that being said – let’s dive a little deeper.
What Is The Good Christian Girl Archetype™, & What Is Wrong With Being A Good Christian Girl?
The Good Christian Girl Archetype™ is a trauma response to being taught that God values girls/women only when they conform to a narrow, man-made mould. Conditioned to be quiet, compliant, and self-sacrificing, she learns to suppress her voice and needs to avoid being seen as selfish or rebellious.
Her value becomes tied to serving others, people-pleasing & meeting impossible standards of perfection, leaving no room for her imperfection, needs, desires or her as a person.
As a result, grown women are infantalised, twisting themselves into disempowered versions of who God made them to be, stripped of God-given worth & protective mechanisms like their voice and intuition, landing them into toxic and sometimes dangerous situations.
As an adult she craves authenticity and the courage to lead her life unapologetically, but her conditioning keeps her in a cycle of self-abandonment and a fear that stepping into her full self would make her unworthy of love or acceptance.
If you’re reading this thinking – holy Moses this is actually really relatable, pin-points the things I’ve wrestled or am wrestling with, and I know it’s placing a ceiling on my full God-given potential that I am born to expand in this lifetime.. I have an invitation for you –
The dichotomy of the ‘Religious Rebel’ Woman & the ‘Good Christian Girl’ Archetypes & how to break free to be more of your authentic self:
In my deep research, my own spiritual awakening and evolution journey and working with high achieving clients, I accidentally uncovered a dichotomy.
And it’s something that, until this moment, I bet you actually deep down KNEW existed, but had struggled to put your finger on, or put words to. It’s this:
In most religious Christian circles, girls and women can only be ONE of two things –
The Good Christian Girl / Good Christian Woman
OR
The Rebellious Woman / Harlot / Strong Independent Career Woman / Opinionated
Have you noticed this?
If you don’t fit the mold, toe the line, dim down your voice and opinions.. if you don’t PERFECTLY fit into the archetype of the Good Christian Girl, you are IMMEDIATELY labelled as the other.
And so develops this unnameable subconscious fear with deep (often unconscious) dialogue going a little something like this:
“I don’t want people to think I’m rebellious, or selfish, or immoral, or too independent.. so I’ll dim myself down”
The thing is, as women when we get to our 30s, 40s and beyond we get to a point where we are severely burnt out and literally CANNOT operate in this dichotomy – this pattern of self-abandonment and fear any longer..
But it’s like – how do we untangle from it all to be unapologetically ourselves, without becoming someone we’re not, but also not becoming something we fear (like being labelled rebellious)?
While ever we don’t feel safe to just BE, the full expression of authenticity cannot exist.
I’ve been there—the moment where you feel like everything you thought you knew is unraveling, and it feels like a crisis.
But what if this isn’t a breakdown but a break through?
What if this is God calling you out of inauthenticity and into freedom?
The toxic beliefs, the perfectionism, and the shame-based religious mindsets and theology—that’s not Him. This is the point where you get to meet God as He truly is, not as you were taught to see Him. Here are the shifts that radically transformed my faith, and they’re the same shifts that help my clients, too.
SHIFT #1: Untangling from Toxic Conditioning
I had to go through a process of religious deconditioning. It was essential to break free from the codependent, perfectionistic, people-pleasing faith I’d been taught. This was about untangling from the shame and obligation that came from toxic religious beliefs, so I could finally be my real, raw, honest self with God.
SHIFT #2: Discovering God Outside of Toxic Religious Christianity
Rediscovering God meant releasing the old teachings that labeled self-care as selfish or made me feel like I could never measure up. In stepping outside of those confines, I found a God who invites us to flourish, not burn out.
SHIFT #3: Healing from the Impact of My Faith History
My complex history with toxic religious Christianity deeply impacted how I viewed God. I struggled to feel safe with Him because of the religious abuse, divorce, smear campaigns, and other painful experiences that shaped me. It’s no wonder that trust felt nearly impossible. Healing meant allowing all of me to come before God—raw, real, and loved just as I am.
SHIFT #4: Recognizing My Projections on God Due to Past Trauma
My relationship with my earthly dad influenced how I viewed God’s nature and character. Trauma in our past relationships, especially with men, can create projections and blind spots when it comes to God. It took intentional healing to stop seeing God through the distorted lens of my past. Experiencing Him as a loving Father was a breakthrough in seeing His true nature.
SHIFT #5: Realizing It’s Possible to Have a Healthy, Nourishing Relationship with God
I didn’t believe it at first, but it is possible to have a close, nourishing relationship with God that isn’t about control or losing yourself. He isn’t asking you to disappear; He’s inviting you to be fully you. God wants a relationship where you don’t have to fit into someone else’s version of faith—you get to bring your true self to the table.
So, if you’re in the midst of a crisis of faith, take heart. God is calling you out of shame and control, out of toxic mindsets, and into freedom, authenticity, and deep connection with Him. This is the kind of faith that sustains and nourishes every part of your life, from your relationships to your purpose.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you’re ready to break free and step into an honest, soul-nourishing faith, click the link in my bio to learn more about my journey and how I help others do the same.
In my mastermind: Free To Be You, I personally walk my high-achieving female clients through to the freedom to be both untangled from toxic religious experiences and conditioning while being fully themselves with God.
Click below to explore and always feel free to reach out on social media if you have questions.
You don’t need to pause or close down and walk away from everything you’ve built in order to create a more aligned business.
I see you. I know it feels misaligned. I know you feel exhausted. I know you may even feel bored or boxed-in. But you don’t need to pause, shut everything down (your business, marketing etc) and lose the traction you’ve already built. You can LEVERAGE what you’ve already built to do more of the work that you were born for.
The exhaustion, bored and boxed-in feelings aren’t there because of your business. Your business is just a symptom of deeper misalignment going on for you internally..
This time, instead of just investing and working on your business and marketing..
You are being called to the depths. This is why everything feels off.
When we feel exhausted and like we are spinning our wheels because we are trying to resolve our internal misalignment with external action.. We can make some pretty rash decisions. We just want the exhaustion and wheel-spinning feelings to STOP. I have done this before, there is absolutely no shame here..
But if I could go back in time I would wisely tell myself to slow down and to do the deeper internal work to realign what I am doing to who I deeply am.
You can’t energetically go BACK because you can’t stomach it anymore.. Because you have OUTGROWN who you used to be, how you feel you *had* to be. But you also can’t energetically go FORWARD because you lack the clarity to do so.
It’s time to get the CLARITY that you need.
Most of my clients in this space are tweaks away from everything clicking.. and if they didn’t find me they would’ve walked away from 60-100k per month businesses.
And I know for you it’s not about the money..
But a smart business owner leverages what she has already built to birth something even more potent.
You already know that this time you must dive deeper than you’ve ever known..
You must peel back the layers of religious, familial and societal conditioning, expectations and how things are “normally” done to be free to be fully you
And carve out your unique space in the world – the most meaningful, soul-driven work yet.
It’s just a matter of finding the right fit –
.. holistic guidance that integrates the business with the spiritual
.. someone who will hear you, really hear you
.. and see you in all of your magic, brilliance and depths, to see behind the masks we all wear to guide you back to the brilliance of who God designed you to be..
So that you can show up fully and unapologetically you.
This is about transformation so deep it feels like a spiritual awakening..
And then realigning your business and calling from this newly revealed space. (Not the other way around)
It’s about refining what you already deeply know
Seeing through and shattering the perceived ceilings and limitations
You’re not burnt out, you’re just abandoning yourself (again).
Before you book that 10k+ holiday, let me tell you something. (LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!)
When most of my clients come to me, they think they’re burnt out. They went on the big holiday, had weeks off, felt better… then came back to life as they knew it.
Instead of being lit-up, excited, on-mission.. they feel excited for a bit but then they’re back to the same old patterns and energy drains that are sucking the life-force from them.
It turns out, they’re not burnt out at all. It’s exhaustion from self-abandonment. Let me explain.
They’re exhausted because they haven’t IDENTIFIED & INTEGRATED the parts of their lives and business that feel inauthentic.
These parts are linked to outdated identities and beliefs from conditioning and expectations—here are some examples:
Religious Conditioning:
My purpose is to help others or “be Jesus to people” (even if it burns me out)
My needs come second; I find all my fulfilment in helping others (hello codependence)
The Self is “all bad”; my feelings & desires can’t be trusted
Women should be silent & submissive
Familial Conditioning:
I have to work hard to earn everything, to please my parent/s
I must protect the family image & stay in line
I can’t be different from my family
Societal Conditioning:
Women must do everything for everyone
Women should be young, flawless, perfect
If I cook for my husband, I’m “weak”; if I run a business, I’m an “independent woman who hates authority”
This scratches the surface of what I’ve seen in high-achieving women over 1.5 decades, helping them become unapologetically themselves.
Conditioning like this leads to subconscious Self-Abandonment—perfectionism, people-pleasing, feeling disconnected from yourself and God.
It feels like burnout because your system is putting the handbrake on to stop you from moving where you don’t actually want to go.
If you’re done escaping, and ready to invest in YOU (not just your business and marketing—because I see you, high achievers), and do the deeper work to unlock internal transformation that frees you to be YOU—in your business, brand, life, relationships, and connection to God—what’s coming NEXT is FOR YOU.
This is important work. The most important work. Because in view of this, your whole world is realigned, your life is reimagined..
Limitations that you were experiencing because of perfectionism, people pleasing and pretzelling yourself begin to fade away to make space for possibility and potential.
You stop abandoning yourself because you understand it’s not a requirement to receive his abundant love for you.
Where there is guilt, anxiety and shame they are replaced by connection, safety and peace.
Where there is distance, intimacy is restored – a closeness with your Heavenly Father – a safe place you can run, you can hide, you experience him as your sanctuary; your “dwelling place”.. no matter what is rumbling around in your world.
Where there is proving energy and inadequacy, there is wholeness and completeness in love.
No longer are you weighed down by exhaustion from trying to work it all out, have all the answers, or working hard just to reach that end goal.. always chasing the carrot dangling in front of you..
Suddenly you KNOW that In Him, you are enough. You are His. And from this foundation of wholeness and fulfilment, you can co-create incredible impact with Him.
That distance you feel? He is right there next to you waiting for you to reach out and take his hand and let him lead you into your amazing next
The problem is, most times we aren’t self aware enough to actually catch ourselves doing it..
All we know is that we feel hurt, angry, frustrated, triggered, abandoned in that relationship.
And that we are behaving in ways that aren’t who we really are.. performing, pretzeling ourselves, proving ourselves..
We are often then internally critical of that behaviour (hello loud inner critic)
And can quickly feel depleted of our normally strong and vibrant life force energy, leaving us feeling drained and slowing our impact down significantly.
I bring you good news!
I know none of this is WHO YOU ARE
And so what we need to do is help you to SEE CLEARLY what is and isn’t the real you..
Untangle from the distorted teachings that have painted God differently than who he is
Decondition from past experiences that shape our view of God himself and his unchanging character of goodness and love towards you..
Unhook your father wounds from your view of God
So that you stop projecting and start SEEING CLEARLY who he is, how much he loves you and wants to be close to you too.
You don’t have to live life feeling like God is distant
You get to live life feeling SAFE, protected, loved and seen in your magic, your soul fulfilled
And from this place of fullness and wholeness go out into the world to confidently co-create magic and impact with Him.
