I’m still “deconstructing” my faith & will until the day I die. The difference is, I do it WITH God, rather than apart from Him.
Yes this was a painful experience first because I had been through a lot of religious trauma.
But when we go through religious trauma, acknowledge it as religious trauma (so many don’t) then we can face it and heal it appropriately.
Once you know that God is FOR you not against you, everything changes
This mindset has brought me into so much overflow; peace in my spiritual walk and actually just enjoying the process rather than constantly feeling like I’m fighting against.
And evolution of me
You can have an HONEST faith, that ISN’T triggering and dredging up bad feelings related to your past religious experiences
You can have a SIMPLE relationship with God where you sit down and converse with him
.. and you can even have a POSITIVE relationship with Scripture that allows God to gently reveal himself to you – without being bible bashed
WHILE You’re deconstructing your faith WHILE you’re reconnecting with yourself WHILE you’re owning who you are, your voice and your authenticity
In my world, we expand our capacity to HOLD IT ALL, without judgement.
When my focus was on being a “good Christian” or a “good person”, my focus was on trying to be something outside of me. An ideal. I’m still trying to fit a mould.
I’m still in perfectionism, pushing, forcing proving energy..
Which is STILL self-abandonment.
And when we are in Self-Abandonment Mode, we cannot just be. There’s always a measure, a standard.
And it’s never enough
Meaning that INSTEAD OF shining bright, being fully and unapologetically yourself, owning and using your voice, being anchored in your worth, uniqueness and just who you are and loving God and being in his presence..
You’re focused on trying to be something. Its a lot of energy and effort we weren’t born to expend
So in order to just be my full, sparkly self..
Who is imperfect
And does her best
I just sit with Jesus. I have conversations with him.
And I let him change me.
I dont try to be this or that.
I surrender and allow his goodness, love and grace to wash over me and be a salve to the parts of me that need to transform.
So instead of burning myself out, making myself anxious in performance and self abandonment, I get to pause and be refilled and restored by the ultimate restorer: the God of the universe who made me and loves me immeasurably.
I get to be my authentic, amazing, fun, sparkly, imperfect self who is evolving and growing and changing
I just get to BE.
This also leaves no space for my ego to sit in pride above others. It’s a beautiful, humble, vulnerable place to be.
(a radically different Leah than the one who used to sit in religious judgment over everyone..)
… And can I just say – it is SO LIBERATING!
Trying to be a “good person” after you’ve left your religious background, is just the same religious thinking without Christianity tied to it. You are still not free. This is still the thing causing anxiety and burnout. This is still the loud inner critic rumbling around in the background.
You don’t have to live this way – the FIRST thing we will do when we work together is to untangle all of your conditioning so you can BREATHE DEEPLY again without the pressure sitting on your chest.
By the way, if you want to be more of your AUTHENTIC & undimmable self in your life, business and/or faith instead of trying to be a something that you’re not..
PS. “Good person” or “good Christian” by whose standards? By which person, church, denomination? Because we all don’t agree. This is why I only care to sit with God.
I don’t even care for my own standards of “Good Person”, I’ve learned I carry enough conditioning and bias for even that to not be good enough
God never desired you to be a facade, a shell of yourself, or a Good Christian Girl who could only comply, dim herself and her voice down and fit the mould of who “they” desired her to be.
For the female entrepreneur; this facet of religious upbringing – the Good Christian Girl facade that you may have been unintentionally conditioned to be – is religious trauma.
This is probably why you feel burnt out
Why being your authentic self in your life and business feels “wrong”
Why you dim your sparkle down when you know you are born to shine bright
Why you silence your voice sometimes (and kick yourself later for it)
And why it may feel hard to be honest with God, having an honest faith without the perfectionism and trying to keep a mask in place.
I am not going to minimise it, because it’s incredibly toxic.
But if you are a high-achieving action-taking business-owner type, you need to reclaim your FOCUS..
.. we need to decondition and rewire this so that you are no longer impacted by something in the past
so you no longer burn yourself out trying to be a Good Christian Girl (subconsciously) – being nice to everyone
so you no longer make misaligned decisions
so you no longer feel boxed-in to a certain niche / offer / message
so you no longer pretzel yourself to fit the approval and expectations of others
so you are focused, lit up and in your own lane loving life!
so you are FREE TO BE YOU, with God.
You are not far away from your authentic self. She is already within you! She is already slamming on the brakes and trying to spin you in a new direction..
The real question is – are you finally ready to get her the CLARITY and internal shifts she needs to have her mind blown and feel LIT UP again?!
When we have grown up learning God through the lens of wounded men, we have to be careful that we don’t relearn God through the lens of wounded women.
The lens of wounded women is the most attractive lens to us after we have had our spiritual awakening/faith crisis.
It’s the one most relatable.
And the one most poisonous.
Because while she sells freedom, yet she simply traps us into another paradigm – one where we block our own freedom, restoration and soul-nourishing connection to God.
Often for decades, former ‘Good Christian Girls’ have been surrounded by women absorbing the same conditioning and teachings as them:
that their needs and desire don’t matter
that their value is in constantly serving others
that they need to receive the approval of the community
that they should appear to be compliant, appeasing and nice to everyone
that it’s mean/unkind to have boundaries
that it’s wrong to shine bright or draw any attention to yourself
.. and so much more.
This creates whole communities of women who believe their conditioning and misaligned behaviour is normal.
Women who –
have conditioned themselves to stuff down what they really think or feel
silently struggle with burnout and anxiety.
even normalise things like staying in the confines of a man-made idealised persona like the ‘Good Christian Girl’ – being someone you’re not just to feel belonging and acceptance.
Well, not in my world!
In my world we are honest and authentic
We use our voices
Challenge thinking without ego
We dig deeper into who we really are
We own our wants and needs
We shine bright, unapologetically!
We love on each other
We listen without judgement
We own our boundaries
We have fun!!!!
We explode our ceilings.
We cheer each other on.
And we do it together.
This can be you and me on a call, workshopping your next big aligned business move TOMORROW.
But I mean, keep dimming yourself down if you want 😉
God does not have a fragile ego. He can handle your brilliance, your magic, your SPARKLE
After all, He made you so. We must be careful not to project the insecurities of men we have experienced – fathers, partners, religious men – onto God.
It took me many internal shifts to unlearn the ego that I had projected onto God. He has none. He isn’t insecure, he isn’t offended by your brightness. He doesn’t need you to dull down your femininity so he doesn’t feel threatened.
Unlearning this means I can see him and experience him as he is, not as who I project him to be based on passed experiences.
I’ve been asked this alot in comments on my posts on social media, and I understand the mindset.
It’s coming from people who are where I used to be. I grew up in conservative “religious” Christianity, I had absorbed much of the teaching from a young age in my family and church environments, and then in subsequent church environments.
What I didn’t realise was that some of what I had absorbed was actually man-made teaching, and not from the God who sees women, loves women and values women.
I found it challenging to set boundaries, own and use my God-given voice, anchor in my worth; and was also wrestling with alot of burnout, anxiety, dimming myself down, people-pleasing, workaholism, perfectionism (I could go on..).
And when I began to dig deep into healing all of these with God, I uncovered that I had swallowed the poison of this archetype without realising it was toxic for me, and for the women around me. I discovered it was not only anti-biblical, it was actually anti-God.
With that being said – let’s dive a little deeper.
What Is The Good Christian Girl Archetype™, & What Is Wrong With Being A Good Christian Girl?
The Good Christian Girl Archetype™ is a trauma response to being taught that God values girls/women only when they conform to a narrow, man-made mould. Conditioned to be quiet, compliant, and self-sacrificing, she learns to suppress her voice and needs to avoid being seen as selfish or rebellious.
Her value becomes tied to serving others, people-pleasing & meeting impossible standards of perfection, leaving no room for her imperfection, needs, desires or her as a person.
As a result, grown women are infantalised, twisting themselves into disempowered versions of who God made them to be, stripped of God-given worth & protective mechanisms like their voice and intuition, landing them into toxic and sometimes dangerous situations.
As an adult she craves authenticity and the courage to lead her life unapologetically, but her conditioning keeps her in a cycle of self-abandonment and a fear that stepping into her full self would make her unworthy of love or acceptance.
If you’re reading this thinking – holy Moses this is actually really relatable, pin-points the things I’ve wrestled or am wrestling with, and I know it’s placing a ceiling on my full God-given potential that I am born to expand in this lifetime.. I have an invitation for you –
The dichotomy of the ‘Religious Rebel’ Woman & the ‘Good Christian Girl’ Archetypes & how to break free to be more of your authentic self:
In my deep research, my own spiritual awakening and evolution journey and working with high achieving clients, I accidentally uncovered a dichotomy.
And it’s something that, until this moment, I bet you actually deep down KNEW existed, but had struggled to put your finger on, or put words to. It’s this:
In most religious Christian circles, girls and women can only be ONE of two things –
The Good Christian Girl / Good Christian Woman
OR
The Rebellious Woman / Harlot / Strong Independent Career Woman / Opinionated
Have you noticed this?
If you don’t fit the mold, toe the line, dim down your voice and opinions.. if you don’t PERFECTLY fit into the archetype of the Good Christian Girl, you are IMMEDIATELY labelled as the other.
And so develops this unnameable subconscious fear with deep (often unconscious) dialogue going a little something like this:
“I don’t want people to think I’m rebellious, or selfish, or immoral, or too independent.. so I’ll dim myself down”
The thing is, as women when we get to our 30s, 40s and beyond we get to a point where we are severely burnt out and literally CANNOT operate in this dichotomy – this pattern of self-abandonment and fear any longer..
But it’s like – how do we untangle from it all to be unapologetically ourselves, without becoming someone we’re not, but also not becoming something we fear (like being labelled rebellious)?
While ever we don’t feel safe to just BE, the full expression of authenticity cannot exist.
I’ve been there—the moment where you feel like everything you thought you knew is unraveling, and it feels like a crisis.
But what if this isn’t a breakdown but a break through?
What if this is God calling you out of inauthenticity and into freedom?
The toxic beliefs, the perfectionism, and the shame-based religious mindsets and theology—that’s not Him. This is the point where you get to meet God as He truly is, not as you were taught to see Him. Here are the shifts that radically transformed my faith, and they’re the same shifts that help my clients, too.
SHIFT #1: Untangling from Toxic Conditioning
I had to go through a process of religious deconditioning. It was essential to break free from the codependent, perfectionistic, people-pleasing faith I’d been taught. This was about untangling from the shame and obligation that came from toxic religious beliefs, so I could finally be my real, raw, honest self with God.
SHIFT #2: Discovering God Outside of Toxic Religious Christianity
Rediscovering God meant releasing the old teachings that labeled self-care as selfish or made me feel like I could never measure up. In stepping outside of those confines, I found a God who invites us to flourish, not burn out.
SHIFT #3: Healing from the Impact of My Faith History
My complex history with toxic religious Christianity deeply impacted how I viewed God. I struggled to feel safe with Him because of the religious abuse, divorce, smear campaigns, and other painful experiences that shaped me. It’s no wonder that trust felt nearly impossible. Healing meant allowing all of me to come before God—raw, real, and loved just as I am.
SHIFT #4: Recognizing My Projections on God Due to Past Trauma
My relationship with my earthly dad influenced how I viewed God’s nature and character. Trauma in our past relationships, especially with men, can create projections and blind spots when it comes to God. It took intentional healing to stop seeing God through the distorted lens of my past. Experiencing Him as a loving Father was a breakthrough in seeing His true nature.
SHIFT #5: Realizing It’s Possible to Have a Healthy, Nourishing Relationship with God
I didn’t believe it at first, but it is possible to have a close, nourishing relationship with God that isn’t about control or losing yourself. He isn’t asking you to disappear; He’s inviting you to be fully you. God wants a relationship where you don’t have to fit into someone else’s version of faith—you get to bring your true self to the table.
So, if you’re in the midst of a crisis of faith, take heart. God is calling you out of shame and control, out of toxic mindsets, and into freedom, authenticity, and deep connection with Him. This is the kind of faith that sustains and nourishes every part of your life, from your relationships to your purpose.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you’re ready to break free and step into an honest, soul-nourishing faith, click the link in my bio to learn more about my journey and how I help others do the same.
In my mastermind: Free To Be You, I personally walk my high-achieving female clients through to the freedom to be both untangled from toxic religious experiences and conditioning while being fully themselves with God.
Click below to explore and always feel free to reach out on social media if you have questions.
You don’t need to pause or close down and walk away from everything you’ve built in order to create a more aligned business.
I see you. I know it feels misaligned. I know you feel exhausted. I know you may even feel bored or boxed-in. But you don’t need to pause, shut everything down (your business, marketing etc) and lose the traction you’ve already built. You can LEVERAGE what you’ve already built to do more of the work that you were born for.
The exhaustion, bored and boxed-in feelings aren’t there because of your business. Your business is just a symptom of deeper misalignment going on for you internally..
This time, instead of just investing and working on your business and marketing..
You are being called to the depths. This is why everything feels off.
When we feel exhausted and like we are spinning our wheels because we are trying to resolve our internal misalignment with external action.. We can make some pretty rash decisions. We just want the exhaustion and wheel-spinning feelings to STOP. I have done this before, there is absolutely no shame here..
But if I could go back in time I would wisely tell myself to slow down and to do the deeper internal work to realign what I am doing to who I deeply am.
You can’t energetically go BACK because you can’t stomach it anymore.. Because you have OUTGROWN who you used to be, how you feel you *had* to be. But you also can’t energetically go FORWARD because you lack the clarity to do so.
It’s time to get the CLARITY that you need.
Most of my clients in this space are tweaks away from everything clicking.. and if they didn’t find me they would’ve walked away from 60-100k per month businesses.
And I know for you it’s not about the money..
But a smart business owner leverages what she has already built to birth something even more potent.
You already know that this time you must dive deeper than you’ve ever known..
You must peel back the layers of religious, familial and societal conditioning, expectations and how things are “normally” done to be free to be fully you
And carve out your unique space in the world – the most meaningful, soul-driven work yet.
It’s just a matter of finding the right fit –
.. holistic guidance that integrates the business with the spiritual
.. someone who will hear you, really hear you
.. and see you in all of your magic, brilliance and depths, to see behind the masks we all wear to guide you back to the brilliance of who God designed you to be..
So that you can show up fully and unapologetically you.
This is about transformation so deep it feels like a spiritual awakening..
And then realigning your business and calling from this newly revealed space. (Not the other way around)
It’s about refining what you already deeply know
Seeing through and shattering the perceived ceilings and limitations
This is probably why you feel burnt out
