The hard lesson I learned is this:

Sometimes we wound ourselves because of the expectations we have of others & God that they didn’t meet.

Others aren’t obligated to meet our expectations any more than we are obligated to meet their expectations.

For example: I was shocked when I got married and it was so toxic. Yes there were red flags.

But I thought God would always protect me, always come through for me.. and he didn’t in the way that I expected.

It was heart breaking and I felt so abandoned.

This led to a huge crisis of faith and I hated God for not giving me what I thought I had earned (through working so hard in toxic Christian environments and being a Good Christian Girl).

The truth of it was, I had wounded myself because I was carrying expectations and misunderstandings from distorted teachings.

I was projecting a truth onto God that wasn’t reality, and I got burned.

When we think things are going to go a certain way, we are attempting to gain peace from an ideal projected future, moving people and God like chess pieces to align to that projected future.

It just doesn’t work. I tried it 😅

Ready to go deeper? I love your ability to process and introspect!

Read this:

Sometimes this is how we’ve learned to feel like we are in control. To have expectations and to project those expectations onto others in the hopes that they’ll meet those expectations.

Recognising it’s how we control is a hard lesson, but a worthy one.

When we do the deeper work we learn exactly WHY we are doing it so that we can detach from those behaviours. There’s a deeper reason why you need to stay in control.

Deeper: God isn’t and never has been obligated to meet my expectations any more than I am obligated to meet the expectations of others.

Oooosh. Doesn’t it hit hard?


1. We are kind and loving to ourselves. Forgiving ourselves once we have this new awareness. No self beat up, only change 🤍

2. We take a deep dive into why it is that we are showing up in this way, and get to the heart of it – the root.. so that we can gently remove it

3. We replace the root with a healthy plant, something that will nourish us deeply, so that we no longer crave to have that control. We feel safer, we feel freer, we feel more alive.

4. We show up in the world differently – less anxious, less controlling, and others feel it. They want to be around us because we have no expectations of them (yes we have standards but that is a whole different topic).

We start attracting a new and different type of person in our world; those who don’t expect perfection, those who love without strings, those who value us..

And our whole life + business + relationships transforms from the inside —-> out..

Unfolding in the most beautiful way. 

The deeper work can feel daunting, but when we step into the light for healing and we find nothing but gentleness and love, instead of the brokenness and shame we expect, we are transformed and we are free.

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