A woman of high influence, standards and contribution cannot:
A) HIDE behind boundaries (lack of self-trust) AND
B) IGNORE them (being nice)
A dog in protection-mode (fight/flight – sympathetic nervous system response) gives no warning.
It explodes and attacks.
It is reactive.
And purely reacting on its natural instinct based on the state of its nervous-system.
Alot of pent-up energy
0-100 miles/hour in 10 seconds.
A great dog, however, has controlled aggression.
It releases a warning growl and perhaps bares its teeth to let the intruder know it is trespassing on what it considers its territory.
This growl is communication, not reactivity.
it comes from a more centred place. A less reactive place. A regulated nervous system and a healthy stress response.
This growl is communication that you have crossed or are about to cross a line..
A line that enters my territory (an area of my dominion, where I am the leader/authority – this is my Personal Sovereignty)
And it’s this communication that offers the intruder an opportunity to respect that dominion, or to openly challenge that dominion.
>>> The dog isn’t trusting the warning growl to keep it safe. <<<
The dog is ready and willing to use what is necessary to enforce that dominion.
And this is where we must see the limits of our boundaries.
She who trusts in boundaries (communication) to keep her safe will keep herself in a sympathetic nervous system response – an anxiety and hypervigilance.
Her anxiety is a sign that her nervous system is activated and that she deep down doesn’t feel safe.
She who ignores boundaries (communication) sets herself up for a lifetime of explosive reactivity. She takes it and takes it, until she can take it no more.. and out comes the lion ready to swiftly take down her prey.
She who trusts herself to communicate clearly and without reactivity and trusts herself to enforce her dominion can relax and be.
The reason we struggle with boundaries so much is because we often do not trust ourselves to enforce our dominion if needed, or we are subconsciously scared (even if we don’t consciously FEEL scared).
Enforcing our dominion looks like:
>> Clarifying or restating a boundary
>> Having a confrontational conversation
>> Releasing that person from relationship with us
>> Calling the police
>> Changing the locks
>> Stepping back from that relationship
>> Moving that person outside of our circle of trust (Meet the Fockers ha!)
>> Blocking or unfriending them
All of which can feel like a loss of love to deep places in our heart.
So what’s really going on for us when we struggle with boundaries and confrontation has nothing to do with our VOICE.
Your voice is perfect. It works.
You have access to a growl
You know how to growl
You can growl
But you’re either trusting too much in your growl
You’re not growling enough
And you’re doing this because of deeper feelings of lack.. specifically around love and attention.
To be a woman of higher influence and impact you must be able to lead yourself and others well (you’ve heard it a million times)
But to do this on a practical level, you must be able to communicate when you feel your territory is being infringed upon
Or you will feel drained by the people around you
Wondering why your work or clients don’t light you up no’ mo’.
Feeling that drip, drip, drip of annoyance
But it’s time to take full ownership of it.. because YOU, my love have dominion here.
You get to have EXCITING client, partner and other relationships, without the guilt, without the anxiety sitting in your chest
You get to curate the world around you so it’s something that ENERGISES you
You get to light up with the world with your magic
And you get to GROW + EVOLVE in this as you step up into higher standards of being…
.. even when it challenges every fibre of your being.
The question becomes, HOW do I enter higher levels of self-trust, communication and Personal Sovereignty?
You become the version of you who is clear about her territory, and is willing to rise to enforce it.
You can be clear and kind
Sassy and firm
Fun and boundaried.
You know you can be her, that it’s all possible for you. And that unlocking her unlocks higher levels of contribution and positive influence in the world that you are designed for.