I used to resist being closer to God because I feared losing myself. This had nothing to do with being “sinful” or “controlled by the flesh”.. .. and everything to do with my attachment style.
When we label everything as “sin” that is not sin, just because it is connected to the self, we spiritually bypass the underlying root causes.
For some, anxious attachment with God looks like fear of him abandoning us – often similar to one of our caregivers. Losing ourselves with this attachment style looks like self-abandoning in every way possible in attempts to stop abandonment.
For others, avoidant attachment with God looks like fear of being enmeshed, consumed or overwhelmed by him – often similar to one of our caregivers. Losing ourselves in this attachment style looks like self-abandoning by telling ourselves we don’t need, or avoiding needed closeness in safe relationships.
For those with disorganised attachment, attachment to God will look like a mix of both the above; at times fear of abandonment, at times, closeness feels overwhelming.
The solution then is to stop spiritually bypassing what is inherited due to childhood familial dynamics, and address the core relational safety issues – inviting God’s truth into those places, updating the “software” so that what is old is not being remixed with what is current.
You can be fully yourself & deeply connected to God – even if in the past you felt engulfed or rejected by a care giver.
You can feel safe to be closer to God – without feeling like you have no sovereignty or autonomy.
You can be free to be fully yourself, and safe in that, in an honest relationship with Him.
There’s nothing wrong with you – your inherited theology is just not holding you where your growth and evolution is taking you.
It’s time to reset + upgrade.
LS x
