Is learning about God keeping you wandering in the desert, spinning your wheels?
When we’ve been through hurt — especially church hurt and religious trauma – it’s so easy to go into “Learning Mode” = emotional and intimacy avoidance.
And for high-achieving women, it can be even sneakier.
Because we’re so used to figuring things out. Solving our own problems. Performing and achieving our way to success.
So when it comes to God? We default to over-functioning. Consuming books, podcasts, Bible studies… hoping it’ll bridge the gap between what we believe and what we feel. Showing up, ticking the boxes, but still feeling distant.
And for so many of us – God has actually been PAINFUL. 😣
And when the pain doesn’t make sense, when the wounds are deep, the mind tries to “understand” instead of surrender. We intellectualise the pain, rather than wrestling with God in it.
I see this all the time in high-performing leaders who love God and know Scripture – but secretly feel abandoned, not enough, or like maybe they’re still being punished.
There’s a deep dissonance that happens when the beliefs we were taught –
“God is good,” “God is all-powerful,” “God loves me” –
collide with the real lived pain, disappointment, and trauma we’ve carried.
Here’s how it impacted me:
I got married young (as many of us Good Christian Girls do), ended up in a toxic marriage, got diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis, was in constant physical pain, and then divorced and single again by age 27. I also went through deeply controlling religious environments and their spiritual abuse… but that’s a story for another day 😉
And in the aftermath, healing from the marriage brought up all of my childhood stuff too – so much felt silenced and suppressed in me.
It was like a never-ending recovery – and I truly felt like God had abandoned me. Or that I was being punished. Again.
Here’s what didn’t work:
– Memorising scripture.
– Going to Bible study and church every single week
– Serving in church until I burned out (with full-blown cPTSD)
– Talking to pastors or being prayed for
I tried all of that – because I’m the type who digs in and does the work. I show up and do the thing.
But this wasn’t a matter of discipline. It was a matter of disconnection.
What actually worked was understanding how my mind works – consciously and subconsciously – and going through a very specific process to regulate, rewire, and repair the dissonance.
Not just spiritually, but neurologically and emotionally.
So that I could stop being triggered into performance, dysregulated by shame, and stuck in overdrive learning mode, always trying to prove I was good enough for God’s love and care.
Because deep down, I believed He loved everyone but me.
That He was good to others, but not to me.
That if I wasn’t “perfect,” I wouldn’t be protected.
But today, I can stand before you – not just as a coach, not just as a leader, but as a daughter – and say:
Despite everything…
GOD IS GOOD.
God loves me.
He is restoring every inch of my past.
He is rebuilding me in my surrender.
And the result is the most impactful, joyful, peaceful, and soul-nourishing existence I’ve ever known — with Him.
And I want that for you too. Not just because it’s what you were made for, but because you are worthy of that kind of love and peace too.
If you’re a woman who everyone else sees as successful – but you secretly feel stuck in a spiritual desert, spinning your wheels and wondering why you still don’t feel “enough” or close to God…
Maybe it’s time to stop performing and start wrestling.
Maybe it’s time to stop proving and start co-creating.
Maybe it’s time to leave the desert behind and finally enter the promised land.
I’ve been through the journey, have marked the pathway through all the trees, and am prepping the tools to give you as we speak.
This is The Divine Reset. ✨ Coming soon.
LS x
