Recently I was reminded how I reclaimed my voice and sovereignty from unhealthy and controlling religious men.
A male family member who had abandoned me after I wouldn’t obey/submit to him reached out to me. No apology just expectation of access. It was graciously denied.
I won’t go into the whole story, but wanted to share this:
I come from a religious Christian family where most of the men seem to believe they have authority over me simply because I’m a woman.
Where my and the other females in my family had a role. That role was to always “respect” and “obey” and “submit” to them..
Regardless of whether they deserved it
Regardless of how I felt about it
Regardless of their treatment of me.
But because God supposedly said so.
Where not doing so came with consequences:
Male adult tantrums
The silent treatment (for weeks on end while they were still being served of course)
Abandonment
Religious abuse
Estrangement – some decided by me, some not.
I distinctly felt this kick into a higher gear after my divorce over a decade ago..
After I stood up to and left ex (who was also obsessed with my “submission” to him)
After I drew a line in the sand
After I began finding myself, voice and sovereignty.
Where the unspoken rule is that I supposedly left my ex-husband’s authority and returned to theirs (for a sinful woman like Eve who was easily deceived surely needs the “covering” of man to navigate the world lol).
.. which clashed more with newly-divorced adult Leah who was finding her sovereignty more than Little Good Christian Girl Leah ever did.
Yet despite all this..
Through my spiritual awakening with and in Jesus – freedom upon freedom came:
I found my peace, my voice, my sanity, my Spiritual Wealth™.
A cup so full, breadcrumbs no longer felt like a banquet
Control no longer felt normal
And low effort no longer an event I felt obligated to attend.
What came was a deep sense of my significance – that despite everything I was conditioned to believe about myself as a person and particularly a woman, that I was and am so deeply valued by and delighted in by God himself ..
Meaning I was so satisfied and fulfilled that, as I allowed God access to the different parts of my heart, I stopped chasing what was misaligned, what wasn’t good for me, who wasn’t good for me.
A gained the space, freedom, courage to be my authentic self, without constantly performing a persona to be approved of
I gained CLARITY and direction around what was and was not for me
A voice so strong I no longer go unheard – nor do I stay in spaces who refuse me a voice at the table..
And so much more.
Im FREE to no longer perform for family
Sweeping things under the rug and pretending it’s all fine
Swallowing family dysfunction
Enabling others in their dysfunction
I know I’m likely to be seen as rebellious, difficult, unforgiving and selfish for these.
And I honestly just don’t care anymore – not in a faux powerful way, but in a neutral “meh” kind of way
Because one the biggest gifts this has all given me is freedom from what they, my family and others, think of me.
AND BY A GENUINE MIRACLE – instead of becoming a bitter woman, I somehow found joy, authenticity, communion and balance instead.
Not hating men and tarring them all with the “all men are bad” brush, but holding certain men accountable.
Not blaming God for the actions of men, but holding certain men accountable.
I’m so proud of the sovereign woman I am today.
Not shrinking back
Silencing myself
Making myself small
Not bowing to the darkness in my bloodline
Owning my voice
Protecting my peace from the endless toxic loops of people who never change.
And for those of you who need to hear it:
There does come a time when estrangement is holy.
Where distance is actually protection, God’s protection.
Where distraction is from darkness.
Where the past is a thief of identity
Where the darkness flowing from those called “family” should be silenced (as Jesus did).
God will use their abandonment and neglect of you for YOUR good, I promise –
It’s time to step into your full sovereignty and be who you were born to be – without their approval.
LS x