Dear Erika Kirk.

I wrote this post on Facebook this week and felt to share it with you..

This is written entrepreneurial woman to entrepreneurial woman. I have worked in this space for over a decade and watch as the same Good Girl/Good Christian Girl patterns surface again and again..

This is not as a political piece. It’s about the masks we wear, the way we believe we have to push through and the deep rest from the pressures of the world – the weight of obligation and expectation – that’s available to every one of us.

Enjoy x

__________________________

This is how I would guide Erika Kirk right now, as a Spiritual Guide & Leadership Mentor for hyper-achieving women, based on what I see:

(Please note: A normal client relationship is based on what I see + potent questions to uncover truth + what I see in the answers. This analysis is only based on what I see so is understandably limited, and making some assumptions).

 I just finished watching your speech last night 

And phewww absolutely incredible that you had the strength to stand up and do that. I know so many are standing in awe of you right now.. 

And I can see you did it for Charlie and his cause, and for God. But I also see the tremendous toll and cost on you.

 Your face that said you were anything but ready to forgive

 Your eyes that still hold tremendous and understandable levels of unprocessed anger 

Your body that cannot have had much time this week to rest, reset, process and grieve in between all of the obligations. 

Time to be human. 

Time to be a grieving wife. 

Time to break apart. 

And I also see a woman who, like I used to be, fully believes that she has to hold it all together right now for everyone else.. 

A woman who is so good at wearing that good Christian woman mask – and is celebrated for it:

To sacrifice all of her needs on the altar of obligation and “spreading the gospel”.

A woman carrying the weight of the salvation of the world along with the weight of her own grief while making challenging decisions, running companies, and being a mum to two children who just lost their daddy..

And I can only imagine how bone-deep your exhaustion must run. 

As the adrenaline wears off

And the admiration of the crowd dies down that was numbing over the heart wrenching loss and deep shock you experienced 

And the grief sets in..

I hope you’ll allow yourself time to be

With yourself

And with God

Without the heavy mask of being the perfect Christian wife and woman..

Without feeling like the salvation of the world is yours to carry (Because it’s not, and never was..)

Without worrying what others will think or how they will react to you taking what you need

And without the pressure to keep showing up as you have done this week. I hope you’ll find another way to honour Charlie’s legacy

That doesn’t require your complete self abandonment, your perfection, your performance 

Without obligation and guilt 

Where you find another way to cope other than the good Christian woman mask

Where you’ll not only be focused on giving love but that you will stop long enough to receive it, too

And where you’ll allow God to fully carry you, to surrender, release and allow his peace and rest to enter your realm.

If Charlie’s work was truly a move of and with God.. Then his legacy and the work will never fall apart

Because the source is still here.

And that source is holding space for you right now to fall apart 

The world will understand if we don’t see you for twelve months because you can’t get out of bed

The world will understand if you need to get daily therapy, curl up on your Pyjamas, hold your babies and weep.

And I’m sure Charlie, even if only for the way that that man looked at you with that grin and sparkle in his eyes, will understand your need to grieve the loss of him and all that you had together.

The only thing that matters right now in your world is the wellbeing of this beautiful woman 

Who has lost so much

So that she has the capacity to look after herself

And her two beautiful kids after such shock and loss.

 Jesus is saying

Come and sit by me

And let me carry you through this 

The rest of the world can wait. 

LS x

After Meeting Jesus & Leaving Religious Christianity, I NEVER Try To Be A “Good Person” Anymore.

When my focus was on being a “good Christian” or a “good person”, my focus was on trying to be something outside of me. An ideal. I’m still trying to fit a mould.

I’m still in perfectionism, pushing, forcing proving energy..

Which is STILL self-abandonment.

And when we are in Self-Abandonment Mode, we cannot just be. There’s always a measure, a standard.

And it’s never enough

Meaning that INSTEAD OF shining bright, being fully and unapologetically yourself, owning and using your voice, being anchored in your worth, uniqueness and just who you are and loving God and being in his presence..

You’re focused on trying to be something. Its a lot of energy and effort we weren’t born to expend

So in order to just be my full, sparkly self..

Who is imperfect

And does her best

I just sit with Jesus. I have conversations with him.

And I let him change me.

I dont try to be this or that.

I surrender and allow his goodness, love and grace to wash over me and be a salve to the parts of me that need to transform.

So instead of burning myself out, making myself anxious in performance and self abandonment, I get to pause and be refilled and restored by the ultimate restorer: the God of the universe who made me and loves me immeasurably.

I get to be my authentic, amazing, fun, sparkly, imperfect self who is evolving and growing and changing

I just get to BE.

This also leaves no space for my ego to sit in pride above others. It’s a beautiful, humble, vulnerable place to be.

 (a radically different Leah than the one who used to sit in religious judgment over everyone..)

… And can I just say – it is SO LIBERATING!

Trying to be a “good person” after you’ve left your religious background, is just the same religious thinking without Christianity tied to it. You are still not free. This is still the thing causing anxiety and burnout. This is still the loud inner critic rumbling around in the background.

You don’t have to live this way – the FIRST thing we will do when we work together is to untangle all of your conditioning so you can BREATHE DEEPLY again without the pressure sitting on your chest.

By the way, if you want to be more of your AUTHENTIC & undimmable self in your life, business and/or faith instead of trying to be a something that you’re not..

Grab your seat to my free workshop coming soon where I show you the exact shifts I had to make to go from “Good Christian Girl” to unapologetically me.

LS x

PS. “Good person” or “good Christian” by whose standards? By which person, church, denomination? Because we all don’t agree. This is why I only care to sit with God.

I don’t even care for my own standards of “Good Person”, I’ve learned I carry enough conditioning and bias for even that to not be good enough

God Didn’t Design You To Be A ‘Good Christian Girl’.

God never desired you to be a facade, a shell of yourself, or a Good Christian Girl who could only comply, dim herself and her voice down and fit the mould of who “they” desired her to be.

For the female entrepreneur; this facet of religious upbringing – the Good Christian Girl facade that you may have been unintentionally conditioned to be – is religious trauma.

🐚 This is probably why you feel burnt out

🐚 Why being your authentic self in your life and business feels “wrong”

🐚 Why you dim your sparkle down when you know you are born to shine bright

🐚 Why you silence your voice sometimes (and kick yourself later for it)

🐚 And why it may feel hard to be honest with God, having an honest faith without the perfectionism and trying to keep a mask in place.

I am not going to minimise it, because it’s incredibly toxic.

But if you are a high-achieving action-taking business-owner type, you need to reclaim your FOCUS..

.. we need to decondition and rewire this so that you are no longer impacted by something in the past

  • so you no longer burn yourself out trying to be a Good Christian Girl (subconsciously) – being nice to everyone
  • so you no longer make misaligned decisions
  • so you no longer feel boxed-in to a certain niche / offer / message
  • so you no longer pretzel yourself to fit the approval and expectations of others
  • so you are focused, lit up and in your own lane loving life!
  • so you are FREE TO BE YOU, with God.

You are not far away from your authentic self. She is already within you! She is already slamming on the brakes and trying to spin you in a new direction..

The real question is – are you finally ready to get her the CLARITY and internal shifts she needs to have her mind blown and feel LIT UP again?!

The deep is calling you! Let’s gooooo 🧜🏽‍♀️🐚

LS x

This Is The Kind Of Community That Christian & Former Christian Women Need To Be More Authentic

Often for decades, former ‘Good Christian Girls’ have been surrounded by women absorbing the same conditioning and teachings as them:

  • that their needs and desire don’t matter
  • that their value is in constantly serving others
  • that they need to receive the approval of the community
  • that they should appear to be compliant, appeasing and nice to everyone
  • that it’s mean/unkind to have boundaries
  • that it’s wrong to shine bright or draw any attention to yourself
  • .. and so much more.

This creates whole communities of women who believe their conditioning and misaligned behaviour is normal. 🚩

Women who –

  • have conditioned themselves to stuff down what they really think or feel
  • silently struggle with burnout and anxiety.
  • even normalise things like staying in the confines of a man-made idealised persona like the ‘Good Christian Girl’ – being someone you’re not just to feel belonging and acceptance.

Well, not in my world!

In my world we are honest and authentic

We use our voices

Challenge thinking without ego

We dig deeper into who we really are

We own our wants and needs

We shine bright, unapologetically!

We love on each other

We listen without judgement

We own our boundaries

We have fun!!!!

We explode our ceilings.

We cheer each other on.

And we do it together.

This can be you and me on a call, workshopping your next big aligned business move TOMORROW.

But I mean, keep dimming yourself down if you want 😉

Click here to join my next free workshop to break FREE from the toxicity of the ‘Good Christian Girl’ Archetype, to instead be unapologetically and authentically YOU – co-creating wild impact with God.

LS x

What Is Wrong With Being A Good Christian Girl?

I’ve been asked this alot in comments on my posts on social media, and I understand the mindset.

It’s coming from people who are where I used to be. I grew up in conservative “religious” Christianity, I had absorbed much of the teaching from a young age in my family and church environments, and then in subsequent church environments.

What I didn’t realise was that some of what I had absorbed was actually man-made teaching, and not from the God who sees women, loves women and values women.

I found it challenging to set boundaries, own and use my God-given voice, anchor in my worth; and was also wrestling with alot of burnout, anxiety, dimming myself down, people-pleasing, workaholism, perfectionism (I could go on..).

And when I began to dig deep into healing all of these with God, I uncovered that I had swallowed the poison of this archetype without realising it was toxic for me, and for the women around me. I discovered it was not only anti-biblical, it was actually anti-God.

With that being said – let’s dive a little deeper.

What Is The Good Christian Girl Archetype™, & What Is Wrong With Being A Good Christian Girl?

The Good Christian Girl Archetype™ is a trauma response to being taught that God values girls/women only when they conform to a narrow, man-made mould. Conditioned to be quiet, compliant, and self-sacrificing, she learns to suppress her voice and needs to avoid being seen as selfish or rebellious.

Her value becomes tied to serving others, people-pleasing & meeting impossible standards of perfection, leaving no room for her imperfection, needs, desires or her as a person.

As a result, grown women are infantalised, twisting themselves into disempowered versions of who God made them to be, stripped of God-given worth & protective mechanisms like their voice and intuition, landing them into toxic and sometimes dangerous situations.

As an adult she craves authenticity and the courage to lead her life unapologetically, but her conditioning keeps her in a cycle of self-abandonment and a fear that stepping into her full self would make her unworthy of love or acceptance.

If you’re reading this thinking – holy Moses this is actually really relatable, pin-points the things I’ve wrestled or am wrestling with, and I know it’s placing a ceiling on my full God-given potential that I am born to expand in this lifetime.. I have an invitation for you –

To untangle from The Good Christian Girl Archetype™ so you can be unapologetically and authentically YOU in your life, faith or business, join my next free workshop on how to untangle from her here.

LS x