When my focus was on being a “good Christian” or a “good person”, my focus was on trying to be something outside of me. An ideal. I’m still trying to fit a mould.
I’m still in perfectionism, pushing, forcing proving energy..
Which is STILL self-abandonment.
And when we are in Self-Abandonment Mode, we cannot just be. There’s always a measure, a standard.
And it’s never enough
Meaning that INSTEAD OF shining bright, being fully and unapologetically yourself, owning and using your voice, being anchored in your worth, uniqueness and just who you are and loving God and being in his presence..
You’re focused on trying to be something. Its a lot of energy and effort we weren’t born to expend
So in order to just be my full, sparkly self..
Who is imperfect
And does her best
I just sit with Jesus. I have conversations with him.
And I let him change me.
I dont try to be this or that.
I surrender and allow his goodness, love and grace to wash over me and be a salve to the parts of me that need to transform.
So instead of burning myself out, making myself anxious in performance and self abandonment, I get to pause and be refilled and restored by the ultimate restorer: the God of the universe who made me and loves me immeasurably.
I get to be my authentic, amazing, fun, sparkly, imperfect self who is evolving and growing and changing
I just get to BE.
This also leaves no space for my ego to sit in pride above others. It’s a beautiful, humble, vulnerable place to be.
(a radically different Leah than the one who used to sit in religious judgment over everyone..)
… And can I just say – it is SO LIBERATING!
Trying to be a “good person” after you’ve left your religious background, is just the same religious thinking without Christianity tied to it. You are still not free. This is still the thing causing anxiety and burnout. This is still the loud inner critic rumbling around in the background.
You don’t have to live this way – the FIRST thing we will do when we work together is to untangle all of your conditioning so you can BREATHE DEEPLY again without the pressure sitting on your chest.
By the way, if you want to be more of your AUTHENTIC & undimmable self in your life, business and/or faith instead of trying to be a something that you’re not..
LS x
PS. “Good person” or “good Christian” by whose standards? By which person, church, denomination? Because we all don’t agree. This is why I only care to sit with God.
I don’t even care for my own standards of “Good Person”, I’ve learned I carry enough conditioning and bias for even that to not be good enough